Today, September 27, 2019 marks the one-year anniversary of my divorce, my “divorceaversary”. The day my divorce was final last year, I didn’t post a meme on Facebook or Instagram that said “Please join me in celebrating the end of my marriage”, with a photo of Leonardo DiCaprio in a tux, holding a glass of champagne, winking into the camera as if it were a day to celebrate.
My ex-husband was my best friend for 23 years and my divorce was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. Launching my blog on this date wasn’t my initial plan, but the timing worked out to go live on the 27th and seemed fitting since we were married on June 27th.
In the matter of one year, I lost my husband of 14 years, two amazing 4-legged kiddos of 19 and 17 years, my house, my hair, and my job.
I had been with my ex-husband since I was 17 and I honestly felt like my world was over when we separated. We grew up together in rural Kansas, went to prom together, went to college together, then moved to our dream state of Colorado and had the most amazing wedding in the mountains. To think it would end 14 years later in divorce was not in my plan, and I’m a planner!
The stress of our unexpected, yet imminent, divorce caused my hair to start falling out 3 months after our separation. I will never forget the day I slunk down in the shower crying while I was holding a handful of my hair as more washed down the drain around me.
I don’t have human children, my dogs are my kiddos. Lexy was my Jack Russell terrier, she had been with me since I was 20. She passed away just shy of turning 19 a few months after our separation. My first and only tattoo is of her paw; I love looking down and seeing her tiny toes on the top of my foot.
Holi was was my Shih Tzu, the most chill dog you would ever meet . To lose two so close together in the middle of a divorce was like another stab in my heart. How much more loss was I going to have to endure?
After several months of processing all of the above and finally starting to have a few more good days than bad then, wait for it, I lost my job of almost 13 years that I had poured my heart and soul into. Okay, time to cue the violins. In all seriousness, just remember to never say, “it can’t get worse”.
So why am I writing a blog? To cry about all my woes and expect strangers to feel sorry for me when there are bigger problems in the world? No, it’s because I wanted to give a different perspective on how someone who has gone through hard times, and still has them, can sometimes be more comforting or easier to relate to than a self-help book from a professional who seems to have it all figured out.
Don’t get me wrong, I have learned a lot from self-help books and I am grateful for my ongoing therapy sessions. I also know that during my healing process I have learned a hell of a lot from myself, creating my own “recipe”. Taking bits and pieces from books, blogs, therapy, but also digging deep inside myself, staying strong when I thought it wasn’t possible, and not giving up.
No one is ever going to have a life free from setbacks or struggles of some sort. I am still dealing with my losses, I still cry and I still feel pain. I have been through ups and downs, the grieving process many times and a roller coaster of emotions.
I’m navigating through life and wanted to share my story and my healing journey along the way in the hopes of helping even one other person. When I contemplated writing a blog I thought, “Who would even read it or follow me?” Then I realized, even if one person does, then that’s ok. If my experiences and my thoughts can comfort just one person, I’m okay with that.
I don’t have things all figured out. In reality, no one does. Not your friends or family, your life coach, your therapist, or even the authors of the self-help books. We all just have our own experiences and our own guidance to share that people can take or leave. This is your life, you get to make your own recipe.
After reading my first post, if you choose to follow me on my journey, maybe we can figure this life thing out together. Even on your bad days…just remember, You Got This!