“It’s your own destiny, create your own recipe”
My ex and I used to play Scrabble, with a twist. I’m honestly not a fan of Scrabble so we decided to make up our own rules. We would make up words and the definitions for them, sometimes we would throw in a country of origin to make it extra exciting.
Many of the words we actually used in our vocabulary with each other often.
- Mautha: Lipstick on your teeth. (Apparently I have this issue a lot)
- Ja: Morning sleep you get in the corner of your eyes.
- Tilly: When you go in for a cheek kiss and the other person isn’t sure if you are going in for a real kiss, and you get that awkward side mouth kiss.
- Boonpick: You wake up with that random bruise and you wonder what the heck you did in your sleep!
And the word that stuck with me more than many because of the simplicity of the definition. Bojet: Secret Sauce!
The secret sauce he was referring to with this word was the mixing of ketchup and ranch dressing (which is amazing with chicken tenders), however when he said “secret sauce” it made me go a little deeper and think of the “it factor” someone has. (Country of origin was French incase you were interested).
You have probably heard someone use the phrase, “What is your secret sauce?” Usually, you will hear this in the business world, it’s what sets the business apart. Although, I have also heard it when someone is asking what your “secret sauce” to life is.
The term “secret sauce” has come to mean the thing that you do that’s unique, different, and special.
Well, are you ready for it? Are you ready for me to tell you the Bojet to life?
There isn’t just one.
Disappointed? Well, there is good news, you get to create your own! Profound right?
It’s YOUR own recipe that is unique and special to you, your own bit of magic that you create. What keeps you moving forward, what makes you happy, what helps you through those hard times? You get to decide what works for you.
I was looking for the “secret sauce” in a book or the answer to what I should do to “fix” me when I was going through my divorce and my most recent breakup. The problem was, no one was able to tell me what to do for me. I had to figure out what bits and pieces energized me, drained me, motivated me and worked for me.
You can read all the books you want, listen to all the podcasts you want and if someone says, “Running, it’s my secret sauce to a happy life, you must run”, and you hate running, then guess what, that is NOT your bojet!
You have to try mixtures until you get the right mixture for yourself. And here is what makes it fun, you can tweak it as much as you would like.
For me, I have figured out my current “secret sauce” to overcoming challenging transitions in my life, to keep pressing forward, to keep growing, to overcoming grief, and to live the best life that I can. But my recipe is different than yours.
However, if I were to say just one thing, one thing that I believe is the number one ingredient in MY PERSONAL Bojet, I would say loving myself.
I didn’t love myself for a really, really long time. Once I started loving myself, so many other things started changing in my life.
Although my secret sauce is my own, and loving myself is the number one ingredient, I do have other ingredients and suggestions that I think certainly are worth trying in your own recipe.
- Celebrate small victories: Don’t discount those small successes. And the celebrations don’t have to be elaborate, they can be as small as taking a bath, eating a chocolate, or toasting yourself for a job well done!
- Work/Life/Friend/Family/You Balance: Balancing life can be hard! There are times in life when one part of your world will need extra time, but if you find that one area is always dominant, it’s time to reassess.
- Fall in love with yourself: Really getting to know yourself actually takes work. Learning what you like, dislike, and figuring out who you are can actually be fun! And remember, you change, fall in love with those changes (both inside and out).
- Pick a positive power word each day, week, month or year: I started with annually, and then I realized that so much can change in a year I went to monthly. Pick a word that motivates you, inspires you and makes you excited.
- Give yourself grace: Life can be shitty and we can’t always expect to be “on”. If you make mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. Learn from them and move forward. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
- Take breaks so you don’t break: We often hear that we need to keep going, push harder, no pain no gain. I believe in always pressing forward and working hard, but you HAVE to give yourself breaks, or you will indeed break. Our bodies and our minds need rest.
- Flexibility: If you expect that life is going to turn out just as you had planned when you were 21, you are going to be disappointed. Learning to be flexible can save you a lot of frustration. Start with the small things, if they are out of a menu item you wanted don’t get upset, just choose something else.
- Move your body: I am a very active person but not everyone loves exercise and I get that. But you still will benefit if you move your body in some way. Stretch, walk, dance, wiggle…just move.
- Practice gratitude daily (even on the sucky days): I started a daily practice of gratitude for a month and then, it stuck with me. I missed not doing it after that month, so I started daily. Even on those challenging days, finding something to be grateful for can lift your mood.
- Appreciate what is in front of you rather than always wanting more: This can be challenging when you have worries about finances, relationships, etc. It’s similar to your daily gratitude, you might still be working towards something, but work on appreciating the present and what is right in front of you.
- Express your emotions: If you try to keep things bottled up, you are only hurting yourself. When life gets hard, feel it, express it because it’s a part of the process to moving forward.
- Don’t expect anyone else to “make” you happy: Of course, relationships in all forms are beneficial in our lives, but don’t count on those relationships to be the source of your happiness because people come and go out of your life. Make yourself happy and other people in your life can enhance your happiness.
- Don’t run from your problems. Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. Running away from your problems is a race you will never win.
- Embrace Vulnerability: We tend to believe that we are risking too much by putting ourselves out there. However, if you don’t put yourself out there and take risks, you end up missing out on so much. Building protective walls to hide behind emotionally may sound like a good idea, but those walls not only “protect” you from the bad, but also prevent the good. Speaking from personal experience here.
- Believe that you have power over your thoughts: Shifting your mindset is something only you can do. No one can do it for you. Working on changing your negative thoughts to be more positive, optimistic and forward focused takes work; but if you are willing to put in the effort, it’s a life changer.
- Make mistakes: If you don’t try, you will never know what could have been. If you fall, get back up. We learn and grow from our mistakes.
- Keep things interesting: Try new things. Drink tea instead of coffee tomorrow, drive a different route to work. We get comfortable and complacent in life and that’s not always a bad thing. But sometimes changing things up a bit can shift your mood and bring a smile to your day you weren’t expecting.
- Get rid of toxic people in your life: Most of us like having a network of people to support us, love us, have fun with and talk to. But if you have people in your life that are not serving you, their energy drains you, you feel like it’s “work” to have them in your life, it’s ok to let them go. Surround yourself with people that make you laugh, make you smile, support you, provide value to your life and enhance your happiness.
- Keep learning: Read, take a dance class, whatever it is…learning keeps our brains young!
- Self-Care: You have to figure out what self-care is for you. Self-care is something that is personal TO YOU that helps you take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Remember to practice self-care on a daily basis. It doesn’t have to be complicated. (Download my free e-book on Self-Care HERE)
Let go of thinking that someone else has it all figured out and you want what they are metaphorically drinking. What is working for them is their own personal bojet. It’s time you work on creating your own.
You can’t expect someone else to figure out what your “secret sauce” to life is. This journey is yours. You put in the work, you keep pressing forward, you keep growing and learning from your experiences and your bojet is going to blow McDonald’s secret sauce WAY out of the water.
Remember, You Got This!
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