“You can accomplish a lot on your own, but the moments that give life meaning almost always involve someone else.” 

Last week I was sitting at a coffee shop working and I forgot my earbuds so I was hearing the house music and subtle conversations around me.

At the table next to me two women were talking. I was not trying to eavesdrop, but when people are sitting just three feet away it is kind of impossible not to hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

One of them was clearly going through something hard. I did not catch the whole story, but I heard her say, “I just feel like I am doing everything alone right now.”

Her friend reached across the table and said, “You are not alone.”

I actually teared up a little and I’m not sure why. Possibly because I’ve been feeling a bit alone lately or maybe just perimenopause, either way, it was touching to me. Just two people sitting in a coffee shop, one person reminding another person that she did not have to carry everything by herself.

Humans are wired for connection. Not metaphorically, literally.

I remember reading a Harvard research study years ago about adult development. It followed participants for more than 80 years and found something surprisingly simple. The strongest predictor of happiness and long-term health was not wealth, career success, or fame. It was relationships.

Not the number of acquaintances someone has or how many followers they have on TikTok. Real relationships. The kind where people feel supported, understood, and connected.

Relationships and connection are intertwined. One cannot really exist without the other. You can know a lot of people, but that does not necessarily mean you feel connected to them. Connection is what gives relationships depth. It is what turns acquaintances into friendships, coworkers into trusted allies, or takes that spark on a first date and turns it into a romance.

Psychologist Matthew Lieberman has spent years studying what happens in the brain when people feel socially disconnected. His research shows that social rejection activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain.

In other words, when we feel isolated or excluded, our brain reacts almost the same way as if we have been physically hurt. Proving that connection is not just a “nice to have” part of life. It is a biological need.

Which makes me think the way many of us live today kind of strange. And I’m including myself here.

We have endless ways to communicate with each other.

• Text messages
• Emails
• Slack
• Social media

Yet somehow SO MANY people are walking around feeling lonelier than ever. It is not because we are talking less. It is because connection is different from communication.

• Connection is someone asking how you are doing and actually waiting for the real answer.
• Connection is laughing so hard with someone that you almost pee your pants and you forget what you were stressed about five minutes earlier.
• Connection is the friend who calls you out of nowhere and says, “I was just thinking about you.”
• Connection is someone reminding you that you are not doing life alone.

I was thinking about those two women in the coffee shop this morning after a conference I was at yesterday sparked the conversation of connection.

They finished their drinks, gathered their things, and went on with their day. Maybe they never thought twice about that conversation. But I guarantee one of them walked away feeling a little better and more connected to their friend.

Let’s be honest, most of us are just making it up as we go anyway. We are just doing our best most days and hoping someone will sit across the table, listen, and say, “You are not alone.”

Remember, YOU GOT THIS!

ONE ON ONE COACHING – Good Things Are Gonna Come  

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