It had been nearly five months since I last heard from my friend.

Each time I reached out, her replies were brief—life was busy, maybe we could catch up in a few weeks. After a couple of those exchanges, I decided to step back and give her the space she needed. I understood she couldn’t be there for me at that moment, but that didn’t mean she didn’t love me.  At first, I was hurt, but I sat with it and understood that sometimes, people need space.

Most of us have those people in our lives who are like our personal heroes—they’re the ones who stick by us no matter what, who stand by our side as we pick up the pieces and rebuild ourselves. You know the quote, “Remember who stood by your side as you rebuilt yourself. Those are your people.” It’s a powerful reminder to cherish the ones who were there in our darkest moments, who saw us at our worst and still chose to stay.

Then, there are these people, “If you are wondering who your people are, they are the ones that make you feel seen and your nervous system feel calm. Yes, it’s that simple.” This quote resonates just as deeply because, let’s be honest, our people aren’t just those who show up in our pain—they’re the ones who bring us peace, who make us feel like we can finally exhale after holding our breath for far too long.

But, what about the ones who left? What about those who had to step away, not because they didn’t care, but because watching us hurt ourselves or letting others hurt us was too much for them to bear? Or maybe they had their own battles raging, and the energy to support us just wasn’t there. These people might still be ‘your people,’ even if they couldn’t be there in the trenches with you.

Sometimes, the most loving thing someone can do is step away. It’s easy to vilify those who leave, to see them as abandoning us when we needed them most. But what if their leaving wasn’t about abandoning us at all? What if it was about self-preservation, or even about protecting us from further hurt? What if they saw something in us—a destructive pattern, a toxic relationship—that they couldn’t endorse by staying? Or what if they just had their own shit going on?

 “Sometimes your people are the ones who have to step away. They may not stand by you during your darkest times, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care. They’re the ones who see you clearly enough to know when they can’t help, and who love you enough to protect their own well-being while you find your way.”

Let’s not diminish the love and care of those who couldn’t stay. It’s not about choosing sides or ranking the people in our lives based on how long they stuck around. It’s about understanding that everyone has limits, and sometimes those limits mean stepping away. It doesn’t make them any less ‘your people’—it just makes them human.

In the end, ‘your people’ are those who impact your life deeply, whether by staying by your side, bringing you calm, or even stepping away when they needed to. They are the ones who, in their own way, helped you become who you are today. And sometimes, just sometimes, those who leave might come back when the time is right, when they’re stronger, when you’re stronger, and when supporting each other aligns. 

I reconnected with my friend over coffee recently, and what transpired was one of the most genuine and honest conversations we’ve ever had. We acknowledged the space we needed, communicated openly, and realized that our bond, though tested, remained strong.

It was a reminder that sometimes, giving someone space doesn’t always mean losing them—it just means allowing the relationship to evolve at its own pace. We’re still friends, perhaps even better ones now, because we honored each other’s needs and came back together when the time was right.

So remember, it’s not just about who’s there in the bad times or who makes you feel calm. It’s also about recognizing the ones who had to leave, because sometimes stepping away is a form of love too.